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"Most of our censure of others is only oblique praise of self, uttered to show the wisdom and superiority of the speaker. It has all the insidiousness of self-praise, and all the ill-desert of falsehood."
By Tyron Edwards
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"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income."
By Errol Flynn
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"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping."
By Rita Rudner
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"More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."
By Woody Allen
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"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
By Henry Ford
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"My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all."
By Stephen Hawking
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"Mistakes are the portals of discovery."
By James Joyce
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"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there."
By Charles F. Kettering
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"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
By Groucho Marx
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"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution."
By Henry Louis Mencken
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"Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted."
By Hesketh Pearson
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"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch."
By Robert Orben
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"My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping."
By Rita Rudner
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"Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him."
By Minna Antrim
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"My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one."
By Groucho Marx
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"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee."
By Phyllis Diller
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"Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he _becomes_ polite."
By Jean Kerr
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"Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either homosexual or really smart."
By Becky Rodenbeck
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"Mothers are a biological necessity; fathers are a social invention."
By Margaret Mead
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"Mothers, food, love, and career, the four major guilt groups."
By Cathy Guisewite
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